terça-feira, 26 de maio de 2009

1 Mês..

No post passado que escrevi dei o título de abril... então agora vou falar um pouquinho o que foi meu mês de maio.. aff... minha vida está uma loucura.. estou passando por tantas coisas ao mesmo tempo.
Mês de maio é o mês das mães, ou seja, é claro que bateu aquela deprê não é? afinal qualquer canal na televisão que vc procurasse só tinha um assunto.. "dia das mães"... é claro que é tudo jogada de marketing.. mas mal sabem o quanto tem gente que sofre com tudo isto, seja porque não consegue ser mãe, seja porque não tem mãe, ou tem mãe falecida... enfim... graças a Deus tenho a minha mãe por perto, mas sonho em viver um dia das mães especial, um dia das mães que possa ser meu também...isto me machuca muito, todos os anos faço planos, sonho, e este não foi diferente.. sonhava em dar um neto de presente de dia das mães pra minha mãe, mas não foi possível, colecionei mais um negativo, também quem mandou ir fazer teste?..
Enfim dia das mães passou e veio uma crise ainda pior.. sábado fiz 29 anos... estou cada vez mais perto dos 30.. meu Deus.. o medo toma conta de mim, se já está dificil engravidar antes dos 30, imagine depois? É claro que se Deus permitir não existe idade não é mesmo? Sara já era velha e deu a luz Isaac.. eu tenho que confiar.. e confio.. só que sou fraca as vezes...
Meu aniversário não foi dos melhores... fiz um bolinho pra quem aparecesse em casa.. foram uns amigos, mas uma das coisas que me chateou foi que minha melhor amiga nem ao menos me ligou pra dar parabéns...meu marido estava num mal humor sem limites.. o que até ocasionou uma discussão minha com minha irmã em casa, pior na frente de uns amigos meus da igreja.. fiquei muito chateada.
Mas como noticia ruim não vem sozinha pra piorar tudo, estou prestes a ficar desempregada, é.. a empresa que trabalho irá fechar, já estou procurando outro, mas por enquanto só uma entrevista com resposta negativa..
E isto tudo aconteceu no meio de um tratamento que havia iniciado neste ciclo.. com indutor e um adesivo para o endométrio.. meu corpo respondeu muito bem ao medicamento.. mas não tive relações antes da ovulação segundo a US, como na 1ª que fiz foi detectado 2 folículos dominantes, pode ser que um tenha rompido depois, não sei.. não sei o que pensar.. afinal se engravidasse agora teria que ficar sem trabalhar, pois ninguem contrata mulher grávida né.. tem horas que isto me assusta, tem horas que penso que seria maravilhoso.. sei lá.. minha cabeça está um turbilhão de emoções.. boas.. ruins...na verdade tenho aprendido nesta época deixar verdadeiramente minha vida nas mãos de Deus.. Ele fará o melhor..disso não tenho dúvida...talvez isto tudo esteja acontecendo pra que eu pare de tanto pedir as coisas pra Deus.. Ele sabe do que eu preciso e vai me dar... não sei a ordem das coisas.. mas vai me dar.. também isto não importa muito pois o tempo Dele é diferente do meu não é?
Este mês também fiquei feliz com a gravidez de uma amiga que sempre visita o meu blog, a Camila, nos conhecemos na comunidade de infertilidade masculina, o marido dela tb tinha probleminhas nos bichinhos, mas para honra e glória do nome do Senhor ela está grávida! Deus opera milagres. E fiquei triste com a perda de 2 amigas.. a Clau (MM) e a Clau de Curitiba... mas elas são pessoas maravilhosas e sei que Deus já está preparando algo de lindo pra elas também.
Bem já deu para dar uma atualizada né... escrevi tudo isto porque estou literalmente sem nada pra fazer aqui no serviço.. aff.. é tão triste isto.. afinal há 3 anos e meio estou aqui....mas Deus sabe o que faz não é mesmo?
Bjinhos e uma ótima semana!

41 comentários:

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Isa, vamos continuar crendo!
Passa no meu blog depois, tem novidades (não tão boas) lá.

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